Taking a risk

I was recently told by a man that I am too cautious and not a risk-taker. While I have always recognized that I am a cautious person--I like to take the time to analyze a situation--I nevertheless felt hurt by these words. When I shared this with one of my dear and wise friends, she immediately dismissed what he said. She reminded me that I have taken a huge risk this year by accepting a job at a very different kind of school and by also accepting the position of Lead English Teacher. This was exactly what I needed to hear. While my risks may not be adrenaline activities or involve potentially damaging behaviors, the risks I take are those that seek to propel my life forward. At the end of the day, I'm okay with falling on that end of the risk spectrum.

I am working at an urban charter school this year. Though I attended a charter school myself, it bears little resemblance to my new workplace. The population is very different, there is a lot more structure (uniforms, merits-demerits system, stricter rules/policies), and my principal said we can refer to its rough location as "a neighborhood in transition." A high percentage of my students are reading and writing below grade level. The majority of them have experienced some type of trauma in their lives. I also have a number of ELL students (English Language Learners). These are new challenges for me, and they are certainly daunting.

What helps me feel better about taking on these challenges are the people that I work with. I co-teach two of my classes with a special education teacher (though we have told the kids that she is not just there to help the special ed students; we are both there to help everyone), and she has been amazingly helpful in making modifications for the students who need them and switching off with me in taking the lead in class. My department is small, but so far we are working well together and have been a good team. Our school is actually a new part of a network of three charter schools, and we could have chosen to just use the lesson plans that the first school already has in place. However, even though we are certainly making things more difficult for ourselves, we all have preferred thus far to create our own lessons, using only a few things here and there from the other school. It's been tough for me, as lead teacher of the department, to have to take on some extra responsibilities. What is exciting, though, is the opportunity to have more influence on what we're doing. For instance, I've already gotten my department on board with doing portfolios with the students. We talked about how this can benefit the students and how we can best structure it, and I think it's going to be a great initiative. Because our students need so much work on their writing, reflecting on their work and tracking their process should end up being very beneficial.

I also have a principal who wants to create a strong and positive school culture. She has talked a lot about teaching kids persistence and perseverance, going with the school's motto, "Smart isn't something you are. Smart is something you become." The average GPA last year was incredibly low, but while she wants that number to get higher, she has told us that we need to do it in a way that doesn't lower our standards. It's a refreshing attitude. The principal has also already observed/evaluated me twice. Is that absolutely terrifying? Yes. However, I recognize that it's better to start learning from my mistakes, rather than waiting four months and then having to struggle to break established habits. In addition, she has repeatedly asked how she can help me and support me, rather than just expecting me to know automatically how to make the changes she wants to see. Her feedback also always includes positive observations, which makes criticism easier to swallow (it's like when I'm grading essays--I always try to find something to compliment the students on).

Now that we're a few weeks into the year, the students' personalities are emerging more. This means that more challenges are presenting themselves, but also a lot of positive things. Some kids are learning how to speak up a little more, and we are trying to encourage all of them to believe that their contributions are valuable. I've started making good connections with a number of kids, and I just hope I can continue this. While all students, no matter where they are, could use more positive adult figures in their lives, these are the kinds of kids that need them even more. So while working in such a different environment may be a risk, it also has the potential to yield a much greater reward.

Happy days

I am now a month into my new job, and the verdict is in: I am happy. Six months ago things were tough, but it was also scary to think about having to make a change. They say, "Better the devil you know than the devil you don't know," right? Plus, I loved so many of my students and it was tough to think of leaving them behind (I miss a number of them terribly). But even though this is just a half-year long-term sub position, I'm so happy to be where I am, and I think that, in the long run, this is going to be a positive transition year for me.

My students rock. I've dealt with a lot of student apathy in the past, and it's been frustrating, but most of these kids show up prepared and get their work done. In addition, discipline issues are almost non-existent. It's nice to feel less like a babysitter and more like a teacher. Thus far I have not had to write anyone up or send anyone out of class, and the students have been quite respectful of me. As a result, I feel that I have a much more positive energy in the classroom this year. Part of that is also a conscious effort on my part--I keep reminding myself to give praise more often and to encourage them to keep up the good work, as well as to tell them how excited I am to do an activity with them or to see the work they've done.

Yesterday, my senior classes did Socratic Circles. For those of you who aren't familiar, a Socratic Circle is, in a nutshell, a student-led discussion that they prep notes for ahead of time. These Socratic Circles came at the end of our unit "Genocide in Literature," which includes the memoir Night. The students discussed ideas about social responsibility and the importance/role of personal narratives, pulling not only from Night but also from the memoir A Long Way Gone (their summer reading book), plus articles and videos on the Rwandan and Bosnian genocides and the bystander effect. I invited the department head to come see what the kids were doing, and he came to my last block. Even though most of these students had never even heard of Socratic Circles before this year, they did a fantastic job. The department head told the students he was so impressed with how they synthesized information from all these different sources and then used it to formulate arguments (gotta love those great higher-order thinking skills!), as well as with how they were talking about issues that are still very relevant in our society today (for example: the students made connections with what's been happening in Syria). I was also quite pleased with them. One group earlier in the day didn't do as well, but I know that the next time they'll understand what to expect and will nail it. I told both classes that even though I'm not a morning person, I had been so excited to come to school that day and see them discuss all of their ideas. They chuckled at me, but I hope that positivity rubs off on them. They seemed to enjoy the experience, and asked me if we could do more of these. Hurray! One kid even wore a suit jacket and tie, because he felt it was a special occasion. I'm curious to see if he gets his buddies to join him next time. :)

There have been a couple of students I've been struggling with. One of them was turning in almost no work and had a bad attitude, and it was really frustrating. But after communicating with home, I got him to stay after school with me last week and we had a really good talk. This week he has been turning in assignments and participating a lot more in class. Today the students were rehearsing some scenes from the stage version of To Kill a Mockingbird, and he was really putting in a great effort. I high fived him at the end of class and told him how great it was that he was buckling down. Hopefully he sees that I believe in him and will stay on this better path.

This weekend I'll be reading a bunch of college essays. I helped them on their drafts and it seems like it should be a decent crop. Wish me luck!

The times they are a-changin'

Graduation was this past weekend. It was a long ceremony, but I was happy to be there. I love seeing their smiles as they proudly and nervously cross the stage, leaving behind childhood. One of my former students was the valedictorian, and gave quite a wonderful speech. He talked about all the mixed-up emotions he’s feeling right now as he gets ready to embark on this new phase of his life: happy, sad, excited, nostalgic, etc. But there was also one emotion he said he hadn’t shared with anyone before: he’s scared.

Change is most certainly a scary thing. I too am at a point where big things are changing in my life, and I’m anxious and terrified. Terrified of encountering rejection, of hating where I end up, of knowing what I want but not being able to grasp it.

Growing up, my life was always so stable that change was one of the things I feared most. I viewed it as a swear word, a circumstance to be avoided and resisted. As I got older, I learned to look at it in a more positive light. When graduating college, I was certainly sad to leave behind a place and people I loved so dearly, but also excited that I would finally be pursuing the career that I had dreamed of and worked towards for so long. I’m trying to remember that feeling now, that feeling of possibilities in various facets of my life.

I saw that excitement in my students’ faces the other day, ready for bigger and better things. I hugged them and wished them well, and I hoped that we’ve helped prepare them to face the world. There are some who I am confident will be spectacular, and some who I worry about, especially if life has already been difficult for them. I know that I’ve been well-prepared to face life’s challenges, and I know that I have a family and friends that are there to help me along the way. I’m hopeful that, as I prepare to turn a quarter of a century old and another year wiser, I too will be on to bigger and better things. And who knows? There may yet be some detours along the way. But I am going to do my best to hang on to that feeling of hope.