Senioritis with a dash of sweetness

So the seniors have been driving me (and everyone else) absolutely bonkers. It's frustrating when everyone seems to be making the push for them to do well and graduate but them. However, they're taking their finals now, and then for the last month of school I have two extra free periods! Hurray for more time to actually get my work done during school!

What was nice this week was that a couple of seniors gave me little parting gifts. One girl, who is just the sweetest thing (and a darned good writer) gave me a homemade cupcake, saying it was a thank-you "for being such a great teacher." She and her twin sister gave them out to a whole bunch of teachers that day, and we all were just so touched by their thoughtfulness.

After school, a student stopped by to give me a card. I taught him two years ago as a sophomore. He's a brilliant young man (seriously, he's amazing at everything that he does and is really going places), and I remember that when report cards came out for that first term, he was indignant about the fact that mine was the only class in which he'd gotten an A rather than an A+. I told him that he hadn't reached perfection yet. But eventually he managed to forgive me, and he and I have made sure to catch up and chat every now and then. He's also done Drama Club with me. The card was such a nice gesture, and was really what I needed at such a crazy/frustrating time of year. He said:

Thank you for all that you've done for me throughout high school. This note started off as a thank you for writing me a college recommendation letter but it's about much more than that. You were the first teacher to really challenge me. I think we argued about my grade at least twice a week, but I needed that. And I guess only an A is not the end of the world. Then our Festival play was legendary, so thank you for letting me be a part of that. We got robbed at this year's festival, but I know we'll do better in the years to come. Thanks for everything!

It's a strange feeling, seeing these kids getting ready to go off to college. I taught a number of them when they were little sophomores and I was a brand new teacher who didn't know what she was doing half the time. So I'm grateful that it seems like I at least didn't screw it up too badly. And now I get to be the proud but scared mama bird, watching them leave the nest. At the same time, I too am preparing to leave this school in search of new challenges. It's interesting to think how, though we're at different stages in our lives, these students and I did a lot of our growing up together. And they taught me just as much as I taught them.

Finding the happy

Hi all. I know I haven't written in quite a while. Believe me, I've been feeling guilty about it. This past month has just been incredibly stressful and full of frustrations, and the events in Connecticut last week have just made everybody even more on edge. I think that sometimes when I'm stressed and upset and feeling lousy about myself, I just tend to retreat into myself a little, only choosing a select few people with whom to share my problems. And part of that has meant not being in a blogging mood. However, I want to make the effort to post more, partly because writing can be such a therapeutic exercise. It's advice I've given my students before, and I know I should follow it. It'll allow me to release my stress, but will also remind me to think about the good things and share them.

One much-needed happy thing that came out of my day today was when I was leaving the school. I had just left some holiday cards in my colleagues' mailboxes, and then I checked my own box. Inside was a card from a student. It says (with corrections made to the grammar, haha):

Dear Ms. ------,

In advisory we are making Christmas cards. I made you a holiday card. I hope you have a wonderful winter break. I'm excited for the Improv Comedy Sketch Club! This year in English class has been by far the best! Academically and overall. I know Hanukkah has already passed, but I still wanted to make you a card because you're the only teacher I like and know that I can write a card to. Anyways, happy holidays! Have a good winter vacation.


Thank you, student, for brightening my day. I appreciate it more than you know.

Another week in the life of a teacher.

Quotes of note:

• A former student was chatting with me, asking me how things are going, and then she inquired, "How's the synagogue?"
• Played some music during class while the kids were making flashcards, and Hanson's "Mmmbop" came on. A girl asked, "Is this the Jackson 5?" While I'm thrilled she's heard of the Jackson 5, I still felt a little piece of my soul wither away. And I told her this song was popular when I was a kid, and she asked, "When were you a kid?" like I was from the Stone Age or something.

Caught my CP1 classes trying to trick me into thinking they'd done their homework yesterday. Gotta love making the homework question about something that happens in the last two pages of the chapter. When almost every response was irrelevant to the question, I just kept asking each one, "Did you read the WHOLE chapter?" I was not pleased with them, to say the least. Luckily though, they have overall been doing a good job with this book, and today was a much more productive day.

I'm so excited to go to the Boston Book Festival this weekend! I've never been, but it sounds fantastic, and a few of my English teacher peeps are going as well. I'm planning on going to four lectures: "The Short Story," where one of my favorite authors, Junot Diaz, will be speaking (I am ridiculously excited about the prospect of meeting him and getting my books signed), "Great Brits and Books," where I'll get to see Maria Tatar, "Graphic Novels," and "Jewish Jocks," where Franklin Foer, author of How Soccer Explains the World: An Unlikely Theory of Globalization. I am so ready to geek out all day long, and I'll be sure to post and update afterwards.

I also wanted to share with you a letter that I read after seeing it shared on Facebook. I read it with my advisory today, and plan on talking about it with my other classes next week. It is an open letter to Ann Coulter, who, during the last presidential debate, referred to President Obama as a "retard." The letter, which you can read here, is a beautifully written piece by a man with Down syndrome who is a Special Olympian. He reminded the ever-classless (and that's me using every ounce of restraint that I posses) Ms. Coulter that such words should not be used as insults, that comparing people to individuals like him, who have to overcome so much and yet still "see life as a wonderful gift....should be considered a badge of honor." As an English teacher, I strive to teach my students about the power of words. Often we talk about that in a positive light, trying to get them to understand that with great communication skills paired with powerful ideas, they can rock the world. But it is important to also remember just how powerful words can be in hurting and degrading others. I talked to my students about this, reminding them that they have no idea how hurtful it can be when people use words like "retarded" and "gay" as insults and turn them into synonyms for "stupid" and "wrong." I asked them to be more conscious of their language, and to speak up when others use this language. I told them that I have asked people, including friends, not to speak that way. Not in a confrontational or angry way, but in a gentle manner that still conveyed that I'm not okay with what they said. Hopefully that message gets through to some of them, because it's important to start a ripple effect in trying to solve these types of issues.

What's Goin' On?

Moment of the week:
I had a writing prompt on the board for my sophomores, which included FDR's quote, "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself." When I asked one of the classes who said this, a student responded, "Dumbledore?"

And soon after that, the students saw an example of fear itself when a girl informed me that there was a gigantic spider right next to my head. I leapt off my stool, darted behind my desk, and nearly hyperventilated while a kid killed it for me. (At least he didn't eat it, like the kid I blogged about last year.....)



The last couple weeks have had some great moments, and also some struggles and frustrations. I'm tired and stressed right now (so glad I'm going to have a nice, home-cooked meal with my folks tonight), so I'm just going to bullet point to give you some of the highlights:

• My CP1 sophomores are pretty into Lord of the Flies. I feel like I'm doing a much better job of framing our discussions this year. When we started the book, I gave them our essential questions, along with the question that is guiding us for the entire year ("What drives us and makes us who we are?"). I'm really making sure to show how these questions and concepts relate to the real world, and so they generally have lots of ideas that they are eager to share. And most of them, even if they don't always answer the homework questions, are actually reading. I'm also trying to keep in mind that I don't have to talk about every single thing that happens in the book, but rather I just need to keep focused on our central themes and questions in order to avoid an information overload, as well as make our discussions more meaningful.
• My senior classes, on the other hand, have been fairly disappointing. They hate participating, they aren't good about doing their work, and they are just generally unenthusiastic. I'm sure part of it is that this course (all the senior classes are now 1/2 year electives) is new to me, and I'm still not totally comfortable with it, so that's probably coming through a bit. But there also just seems to be this laziness and apathy with a lot of them....I don't know if, because it's called an elective, that they think that it's not "real" English class, if they're uncomfortable having all of the levels mixed together, or if the senioritis is already in full swing, but already I have a lot of kids who are failing. And unlike in the past, they don't have the full year to pull themselves out of the hole. I've got to make phone calls to parents this week, and maybe start telling kids that they are required to stay after with me in the next week in order to come up with a game plan for getting their grades up.
• I have been trying a couple cool things with this elective (called "Criminal Minds in Literature"). As we've been doing Sherlock Holmes, I had them watch an episode of BBC's modern "Sherlock," which they responded quite well to, showed an example of a graphic novel version of one of the stories and had them create their own scenes, and also had them read a cool article on possible medical diagnoses for Holmes (Asperger's and bipolar disorder) in order to appeal to students who are more drawn to the sciences and psychology.
• One of my sophomores stayed after the other day for extra help. I didn't actually help him with an assignment, however. Basically, during the time he was here, he worked on organizing his binder, and the two of us talked about reading strategies he can employ, and talked about a game plan for improving his grades. Sometimes, it seems that even if you're not telling a kid something you haven't told all of them before, just talking something over step by step with them and making it all seem manageable can really help them reframe their mindset.
• And to end on a funny note: One of my former students asked me last week if I'd like to buy a wreath to help support the National Honor Society. Since I'm Jewish, I reminded him that I am not his target customer....

The good, the bad, and the daunting

Today, my nightmare class was finally good! For context, let me just say that this group has been making me want to jump out a window. It's my CP2 (lower level) class, and those classes are tough to begin with, but it's not just that a lot of these kids aren't doing their work. Several of them are also just plain nasty. Add that to the fact that they can't seem to stop talking, and by the end of class my headache is registering 8 on the Richter Scale.

But today was different. Almost every kid turned in an essay (yes, a lot of them seem to be too short, and I don't think any of them really followed the MLA formatting guide I went over and reminded them about 5 times, but baby steps, people, baby steps...), and when it was time for them to work on answering some questions on the reading we finished yesterday, they actually worked, and did so quietly. Hallelujah! A bunch of them even shared their responses when it was time for discussion. I made sure to say "good job" a couple times and encourage them to keep up the good work.

I was also pleasantly surprised when one kid approached me after class and apologized for how rude he's been to me. This was definitely a change from yesterday when I told him that I had written him up for his disruptive and rude behavior on Monday, and had emailed his parents as well. He was pretty angry with me and acted like he couldn't conceive of what in the world he could have done wrong. I don't know if the apology was something his parents told him to do, but he seemed pretty sincere (and usually every word that comes out of his mouth is dripping with snark and sarcasm...as if he thinks I don't pick up on that stuff. Honey, I majored in Sarcasm in college. Don't even.). I reminded him that I'm not out to get him, not trying to attack him, but that I have been frustrated with his behavior, and said that I hope we can use this as a turning point and make the rest of the year positive. We'll see how that goes.


In other news, today was my first day of grad school, and I'm already overwhelmed. I'm taking a hybrid course, so luckily I only have to go there once a week for a couple hours, and then the rest is on my own and online. Unluckily, I had a faculty meeting after school today, and even though I ducked out a couple minutes early, traffic sucked and caused me to be about 15 minutes late. I was a flustered mess when I finally arrived. I did not want to be that person on the first day, but alas, I was. At least the professor wasn't upset with me.

We went over the syllabus today, and learned that we have to choose a work of literature to do a research paper on, and do an annotated bibliography with 40 entries. GAHH. Yet the paper is only ten pages and only needs to make reference to four sources.....so that's kind of an annoying disconnect. I understand the need to be thorough in the research, but 40? Oy. But I talked to a couple of the other students after the class, and they revealed they were overwhelmed too, so at least misery's got company. Also, the professor talked about how she doesn't let people out early...but then she let us out 20 minutes late. I was just thinking listen, it's past 6:00, I have a drive ahead of me, I'm hungry, I haven't had time to pee all day, and I have work to do and sleep to attempt to get. SHUT UP. This is definitely going to be an interesting semester, trying to balance being both a teacher and a student. I just hope I come out of it in one piece and not too terribly sleep-deprived.

happiness & worth

Oh Forbes, you and your uppity attitudes. The other day you took one step too far when you decided to rank the unhappiest jobs in America: "These 6 professions have been ranked the least satisfying -- based on factors such as growth potential and compensation -- by the people who do them." And guess which one was #3? That's right, teaching.

Yeah, Forbes, because I definitely chose this career path for the big profits it promised me. I'm just so unhappy now that I've realized that I'll never make a whole lot of money.

People (generally) go into teaching because they are passionate about it. In my case, I wanted to share my love of literature and language with students. I also wanted to be a mentor to students, or at least someone they felt they could turn to and trust, because I was always lucky enough to have teachers like that. And if you've read this blog before, you know that I've been able to do both of these things. Am I as good at my job as I want to be? Absolutely not. Do I ever have bad days or weeks and wonder why the fuck I'm doing this? Of course. But then so many good things happen, both little and big, and I know that I've made the right choice. I have a job that challenges me and that is certainly never boring. I get to help shape these students during some very formative years in their lives, and I feel like, with at least a lot of them, I am making some sort of a difference. And that makes me feel fulfilled. I know that I want to keep doing this for years to come, that I will truly make a career out of it. And no, I don't plan on ever becoming an administrator/department head/principal. I guess Forbes would tell me that I lack ambition and that I must be dreadfully unhappy. However, the way I see it, my challenge is to become a better and better teacher every single year. Plus, each year I get a new crop of students to work with and help shape while they, in turn, help change my life too. Just because I won't be moving up in the ranks doesn't mean I will be stuck in some sort of a rut.

My parents told me that when I was attending Brandeis University, which is a good school and also very expensive, people questioned my choice. They asked, "Why is she going to Brandeis if she's just going to be a teacher?" My parents said that don't want to know who said it nor how many people. Just like Forbes, these people measured worth in money. I know, I know, the very nature of money is that it measures how much things are worth. But I believe that in order to live a fulfilling life, one must consider factors beyond that. I chose that school knowing full well that I would come out of it with a lot of debt. And yeah, it sucks to have to write a check every month for over $200, knowing that I'll be continuing to do so for quite some time. But you know what? It's managable, and I don't regret my decision one little bit. I had worked my ass off all my life and wanted the challenge of going to a great school. Brandeis certainly provided me with that. I wanted to become the best teacher I could possibly be, and I knew that this place would help me get on the right path. I had some really kick-ass professors, including the head of the Education Department who really helped me figure out my life. Furthermore, because the school is almost 50% Jewish, I found a community there that I really connected with. When I graduated, I didn't think about the debt--I thought about the amazing education I received, the unique experiences I had, the ways that my horizons had been expanded, and the incredible friends I had made.

I've talked to some of my students before about life choices. I remember a conversation I had with my seniors at the end of my first year of teaching. I told them to, above all, be happy. Yes, you need to make sure you have enough money to take care of yourself and your family. But you also need to be able to enjoy what you do. I don't care if it requires a master's degree or training in a tech program, just love it. One of my seniors this year is planning on being an electrician. Some years back I might have lamented her decision to not strive for more. But these days, I know that's the wrong attitude. This girl loves her field. She was actually one of the only girls in that tech program at the high school, and I admire her for going against the norm. I am proud of her for pursuing her dream.

My high school English teacher sent me an amazing video when I was in college, since she knew I wanted to be a teacher. I've included the link below, and encourage you all to watch it. It is called "What Teachers Make," by slam poet and former teacher Taylor Mali. It is incredible, and sums up my feelings better than I can do here.

End of the year

Student quote of note: "I'm 22 in Connecticut!"

Sorry for not updating in a while. But here’s a big update: I am done with my second year of teaching! It is such a relief. In many ways it was a fantastic year, but there were also some very trying situations, especially in the last couple of weeks. The end of the school year is already quite stressful, and was made more so by some students who chose to lash out. For example, a group of anonymous honors students sent me a letter complaining that their final exam was unfair. I won’t go into details about the contents of it, but I found them to be invalid and, quite frankly, whiny. I addressed their concerns on our final day together, first explaining why I disagreed with their complaints. I then said that I had already been planning on slightly scaling the grades, as I don’t feel like what they produce in an hour and a half truly deserves to be judged as critically as what they have done all throughout the rest of the year (the final counts as 20% of their grade). I also talked about how I was very disappointed by the mistrust in the room, as I have never given them reason to believe that I would do anything to screw them over. I just felt really frustrated by this letter, especially since it was unsigned, so I didn’t even know who to be addressing. Our society has become so used to being able to say things anonymously, without fear of having to face a fair debate, and I consider it cowardly. I did give my students feedback sheets which I said they could leave anonymous, but that was meant for constructive criticism. In the case of the letter, I would have respected the students a lot more if they had come to me after school and shared their concerns, so as to allow for a productive dialogue.

On a lighter note, some students were really sweet at the end of the year. One of my honors kids said that when he gets into the National Honor Society next year (which he surely will), he wants me to be the teacher he invites. I was so touched, especially after all the frustration with some of his classmates. A senior who was in my play came to find me on his last day and gave me a little thank-you note and a big hug. He is so so talented and is planning on pursuing an acting career, and I can’t wait to see what great things he does. My senior class also gave me a very sweet card they made. One student apologized for being a pain in the ass, which he reiterated to me when I gave him a hug at graduation. Another one said she now feels more confident about writing essays for college, and a third student said that I’m one of the best teachers he’s ever had. Their words truly meant the world to me, and that card will be saved for years to come. I know I’ve talked about this before, but I’ll say it again: it’s those kinds of moments that get teachers out of bed every morning. I had my advisory write letters to teachers they wanted to thank, and a couple of the recipients told me how happy the letters made them.

Exciting news: Next year I am getting a classroom! These past two years I have had to move around between three rooms, pushing around a giant cart/battering ram and having a shared office as my home base. I’m so excited, because I’ll finally be able to set up the room the way I want it, and won’t have to worry about my things being in anyone’s way. Plus, I’m already a disorganized person to begin with, and having an office and a cart full of stuff to wheel around only adds to that. Next year there won’t be all of the running around if I forget something, or the special restrictions I have had to contend with. I will admit though, I’ll kind of miss that little cave of an office….I love being able to just shut the door and have a bit of privacy, which classrooms don’t really allow for. Plus, I’ve been lucky enough to share the space with a couple of really fantastic people. That office has seen a lot of giggles and ridiculous jokes, loud music, unwinding with a Nerf football confiscated from a student, stories of angst, tears, and growing friendships. And that final item has been one of the best aspects of this year—since I’ve become more comfortable there, I have opened up and become a lot closer to some of the people I began establishing friendships with last year, and become good friends with some new teachers as well. I love having a group of people that I can depend on, share ideas with, and also have fun with.

Below, I have included the letter I gave to my students at the end of the year in case you are interested in reading it:

Dear students,

                 Just as I have had you do some reflection on this past year, as a teacher I am constantly reflecting on my practices, asking myself, “Am I doing right by my students? How can I improve? How can I make sure they are learning, improving, and enjoying what they do? What do I want them to come away from this class understanding?” Trust me, it’s not just students that question and doubt themselves; any teacher that aspires to be good at their job does too. Being a teacher does not mean that you know all the answers. More accurately, I think we need to be both teachers and learners, and to be open to learning from our colleagues and students. With this letter, I would like to share with you some of my reflections as well as some words of encouragement as you shift into summer mode.

                I know that this year has been challenging for you. I know that I have demanded a lot from you and constantly pushed you. However, I want to remind you again that this has all been part of my effort to make you better students, both of English and of life. And it’s not just you that I demand a lot of—I demand a lot of myself too. I am deeply invested in my students and get frustrated when I feel like I am falling short of their expectations and my own. I know that it can be frustrating for students when you don’t always achieve the grades that you want. Remember though, that the only way to learn and grow is to be challenged. My goal is never to break you down and discourage you, but rather to help point out your strengths and help you understand your weaknesses and overcome them. Every year, school is going to get more and more difficult, and this is the same for life as well. However, if you meet those challenges head-on, dedicate yourselves fully to the tasks at hand, and put forth your best effort, you will be ready and able to handle what comes your way.

                Some of you have consistently worked hard all year, and I commend you for that dedication. You have pushed yourselves to improve, even when you have already been producing quality work. Some of you struggled for a while, but then worked hard to prove yourselves, showing improvement by the end of the year. I am proud of what you have accomplished. Others have experienced quite the rollercoaster ride, and your ups may have sometimes been overshadowed by your downs. I urge you to think about your successes, however big or small they may have been, and think about what you need to do in order to meet with more success next year. Don’t give up on yourselves.
                I know that once your final is over and done with, you will start allowing yourselves to forget the books we read, the characters we got to know, and the themes we analyzed. But what I hope sticks with you are some of the ideas we discussed, such as the danger of power, the power of hope, and how to challenge societal norms, and that you will continue to ponder them. I also hope you have become better thinkers and communicators this year, and that you have an increased curiosity about the world. One of the reasons I love this subject so much is that is has the ability to foster those qualities. I have been truly astounded by some of the discussions we’ve had and some of the papers I have read this year. When you truly push yourselves, you are able to exceed your own expectations and to teach yourselves, your classmates, and me all kinds of new things, and that’s what makes me excited about my job. I’ve bragged to my friends and colleagues about how you have often taken our discussions in directions that I had not expected, and how it even forced me to expand my own thinking. I hope in the future to find more ways to encourage that in my students, because those are really wonderful opportunities for growth. In turn, I ask that you please keep talking about important issues that face our world, keep asking questions, and help make the world around you a better place in some capacity. Our community and world are in serious need of leaders and good people.
                This summer, I will be doing a lot of work both on curriculum (since I’m teaching mostly new material next year) and on figuring out how I can improve as an educator. Any feedback you have about what helped you or didn’t help you (and why) would be greatly appreciated. Like I said, I want to continue learning how to be the best teacher possible. Your input is just as helpful as what my bosses tell me, and I value it greatly. I have given each of you a feedback sheet, and I’d truly appreciate it if you could give me specific feedback on it. Leave it anonymous if you choose—I want you to feel comfortable expressing yourselves.
              Please be sure to say hi next year and keep me updated on your schooling and lives (and the books you are reading!).

Yours truly,

Ms. Greene

Brawling and bystanders

My school definitely has its fair share of fights. Usually the week before the week before a vacation, a few fights will break out, and some of them have been pretty nasty. What is just as troubling, though, is the fact that the students get so excited about them. They stand up to watch, making noise like they're at a WWE fight, and won't stop talking about it for the rest of the day. Before February break, there was a brawl between two boys that, after it was broken up, ended with a racial slur being spit out. I was the first person to spot the fight and beckon for the male teachers to come over (since they just stand in the corner of the caf and gossip, oblivious to the world), and after it was over I shouted at the lower level of the caf to sit back down, as they were all standing up and gawking. 

My next class was all excited: "Ms. Greene broke up a fight!" "Who won the fight?!" I told them that nobody wins that kind of a fight, that both people make themselves losers. But the class would not stop buzzing about it until I finally had to raise my voice. I told them that this was not something to get excited about, that it was disgusting, and that I do not want them creating a culture of excitement and sensationalism around violence. These kids are so thrilled to be the bystanders at a fight, and that is the breeding ground for this kind of violence.

Today, I read a little editorial from the Boston Globe : "Schoolyard brawl: Essay beats suspension."  It talks about how after a fight at Lynn English High School, school officials didn't just punish the girls involved; they also punished the bystanders. They chose to make these students write an essay about Kitty Genovese, who in 1964 was stabbed to death and raped on a public street, her cries for help ignored by dozens of neighbors for approximately half an hour. I remember learning about this in a psychology class in high school, as this case led to the investigation of the "bystander effect," which says that the more bystanders there are, the less likely anyone is to intervene. The article points out that Genovese's case and the fight in Lynn are not exactly the same, but the idea behind the essay assignment is admirable. I don't expect my students to stop a fight. But I do want them to be responsible and alert a teacher about one, and I want them to stop watching fights with such giddiness, egging the fighters on. The next time this sort of situation arises in the school, I think I may just do a little lesson on Miss Genovese, and hopefully get them to reconsider their attitudes.

baby steps

There are some kids I just can't fully figure out. I have his one girl who is surly about 90% of the time: ignores me when I say hi as she walks in the room, rolls her eyes and makes faces when I tell her to put her phone away, sulks in her seat, doesn't want to participate, and won't make presentations or even participate in Socratic Circles. She flat-out refused to write a major paper, and ended up failing last term. Yet every now and then, a totally different girl shows up in my class. This version of her is intelligent, engaged in the class, willing to ask for help, and even allows a smile to cross her face.

The pleasant version made an appearance last week, and it was like a breath of fresh air (it's quite exhausting dealing with so much attitude from a student all the time). She was working hard on a project, asking me questions to see if she was on the right track. When it came time to do the presentations, I expected her to give me some version of her usual "I hate people and I don't do presentations" explanation. But instead, she got up and made her presentation, and actually did a nice job! Oy, I was kvelling. After the presentations, we moved into a discussion about the end of the book, and she participated a number of times, adding valuable insight to the conversation. She didn't look as though someone were pulling her teeth, but rather had a smile on her face, as though she were--dare I say it?--enjoying class. I was so excited about this development, I kept talking about it for the rest of the day.

The student didn't participate in our Socratic Circle last week (well, she did talk in the outer circle, but was silent in the more important inner circle), but she wasn't in a bad mood, and I hoped she'd be willing to participate again this week. However, her darker side returned today. She wouldn't even face forward in her seat, which was especially great considering that I was being evaluated by my coordinator today (although I think that went fairly well overall, despite a couple of these small issues). I know she has a lot of crap going on at home, as I have contacted her dad before, and this is probably all just a defense mechanism, but it kind of upsets me. I know that she is a smart, capable student, but she is her own worst enemy. I hate wanting a kid to succeed more than they want it for themselves. Last week gave me hope, but today made me worried that it was just  fluke. Hopefully it is a baby step in the right direction; perhaps her happier, more driven side will start making more appearances. I'm trying to encourage her without pushing her, and hopefully she will see that I am truly on her side.

I am worried about my grade

The wonderful Ms. M recently posted the above video on Facebook, and we've all been laughing about it and quoting it this whole week. It also makes us cringe a bit, because it is just so spot-on (right down to the detail of not having had a chance to pee all day). As it is the end of the semester right now, this is also quite timely.

I try my best to help my students, but I refuse to hold their hands, and that is what a lot of them seem to expect. I constantly get kids (often the same ones, again and again) asking me during class what their grade is. I keep having to tell them to either email me, see me after school, or even just look online where the damn things are posted, because I don't talk grades during class. It's just too disruptive. What I also don't understand is how clueless they can be about where they stand. There is no reason a student should be so shocked and angry, as some of them are, when they find out they are failing. I told them from the beginning that the people who fail my class are those who either don't do any work or don't turn in a lot of it. So I tell these kids that they're missing a lot of homework, they failed a test, did poorly on an essay, etc., and they still appear totally mystified, as though it is MY fault, that I am the one who allowed this to happen.

These students tell me that they are very concerned about their grades, and yet they are unwilling to take on the responsibility needed to improve said grades. One student has continually told me that he doesn't understand why he's doing so poorly and that he really wants to succeed, but his recent research paper pretty much sums up his shortcomings: most of his information came from Wikipedia (which I stressed--even in writing!--was NOT an option), and he didn't come for a writing conference, which I basically begged them all to come for on multiple occasions. Another student, who is quite smart but only pulling a D this term, emailed me at the beginning of the week about his grade. When I responded, he then asked if there was anything he could do to improve it before the term closed. I refrained from the temptation to suggest inventing a time machine.

Some of my students have been learning their lesson about responsibility, which is rewarding to see. They realize their mistakes, and are asking for help in a productive manner. But I am still just so frustrated about those who choose the angry response, who view me as someone standing in their way of success. I know it's not my fault, that I've tried to reach out to help them and to make them understand the ingredients for success, but that doesn't keep me from wanting to act like a teenage boy by punching a locker. In some twisted way, I still feel like I've failed a little bit. At the same time, though, I know that the answer is not to back down and let them get away with being lazy and turning in substandard work. I'm trying to prepare them for the big test of life, and babying them isn't going to help me accomplish that goal. I hate it when they hate me, but I suppose that's just part of the job sometimes.